'I can resist anything but temptation' Oscar Wilde

The blog of a cinnamon-addict, photographer and dancer.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What does it take to fit into someone's life?

[written a few weeks ago, felt like posting it now] 

What does it take to fit into someone’s world? When you meet a person for the first time you never think that a few months later you’ll be putting your clothes in the drawer he let you have in his closet. When you meet a person, you look into his eyes, stare at his mouth, evaluate his attitude, his clothes, you judge him briefly and maybe give him a chance. A chance to blow your mind, to sweep you off your feet. And as he does that, you begin to understand he’s a great catch for you and that the time you spend together is actually well spent. From then on, things are simple, they come natural. You go out, hold hands, kiss in public, laugh at each other’s stupid jokes, share the same bed on cold winter nights, change your relationship status on Facebook, blog about what you feel, meet his parents, bring him home to meet your parents, spend a lovely vacation together. The next thing you know is that he’s whispering mushy things in your ear while holding you close in his arms and the next day you bring a small suitcase with you to his place.

How do you unpack your life in someone else’s life? How do you take those things you brought with you in the suitcase, mostly stuff you need on a daily basis: toothbrush, underwear, T-shirts, coffee cup, shampoo, film DVDs, a pretty dress, slippers, and just put them in another person’s drawer? I know he’s the one who asked you to, but don’t you feel, for only a second at least, that it’s like violating his privacy? Let’s say one day you can’t find one of your socks and it’s not in the drawer where you keep your stuff. Maybe he (or you) misplaced it and you have to look in the other drawers as well. Do you feel right doing that? Does it feel like he’s got no secrets and you can just look through his stuff without any bad feelings? And what happens when you break up? You need to get your stuff back, right? What if you can’t, what if he hurt you so bad you just don’t want to go back and face him, his place, his things? Do you just leave them there?

And now let’s say you don’t break up. You have your own drawer at his place, your things are tossed around the rooms in his apartment, you have your own key so you come and go as you please. Does that mean you fit into his life? Most people around me say yes, that’s what it means, that moving in with someone is sharing your life with him. However, what happens when you leave the apartment? What happens outside that door, outside that intimacy, that cocoon you’ve created? Do you still belong to him and does he still belong to you?

Friends, relatives, hobbies, jobs, are these also part of your common life, do you share them or is each with own? I think that unpacking things from a small suitcase into someone’s drawer means nothing at all. It doesn’t mean he’s committed, it doesn’t mean you’re his world. On the other hand, it doesn't mean you're committed or sharing your life completely. And it’s always horrible having to take your things back. So, don’t do it. Don’t share your entire life with him, keep your little secrets and mysteries. When he asks you to move in with him, don’t bring your entire life with you, just bring a small suitcase and don’t unpack like you’re revealing your true nature to him. Unpack like you’re going to be there for a couple of days only and let him crave for more from you.

Is it possible to fit into someone’s life? Completely? And if so, what does it take to do it?

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